Suguna (pronounced: s uu g uu n aa), my mom, whom I called Amma, passed away on Friday, May 28th, 2021. Her name in Sanskrit means someone who is the “Rare Embodiment of Auspicious Virtue.”
She is home with my Dad and Sister. I can guarantee that the party table is laid out and they are all together un-corking the ginger wine my Sister must have made ready for her arrival 😊!
I am sad, very sad, that I was unable to visit her in the past 18 months and for not being able to walk beside her on her last journey. However, I am forever grateful that providence gave her an extremely peaceful departure. My sister fed her a breakfast, sent by her younger brother, of fruit and coconut water and mere moments later she took her last breath. She left as she lived her life – decisive and with dignity and grace.
My mom taught me that one does not need to “be rich to be wealthy.” She was an asset builder, and I often would say that at any given point she had the most liquidity of anyone in our family. She is the reason that I am and continue to be financially secure. It is not because she left me assets but because she left me with the discipline and mindfulness to build them. She brought my sister and I to a local bank when I was 10 to open a savings account. She used to give us pocket money of ₹10 every month and we were encouraged to do with it what we pleased but she always extolled the value of spending, sharing, saving, and splurging. For me this meant that 25% used to go to buying comic books, 25% to spend on things that would help others, 25% used to go to a long-term savings fund and the last 25% to ‘splurge.’ If we achieved these proportions, we got a “performance bonus” the following month! I earned every one of those bonuses. If she were born in a different time and place, I have no doubt, my mom would have very successfully run a Fortune 500 company 😊! Her last chapter on the asset building front was when she opened fixed deposit (CD) accounts for each one of her 5 grandkids. She accompanied each one of them to the bank, proudly introduced them to the branch manager and started their seed fund with her savings leaving her legacy for the next generation!
She was a ‘doer’ and believed in less talk and more action. She was kind, ethical, driven, pragmatic and she was also opinionated and had no problem sharing them. In our house there was no such thing as a “gender-based” chore. If something needed to be done, then whoever stumbled upon what needed to be done owned getting it done. My mom and dad led with example on this 100% of the time. If required I would help cook while my sister would help changing the oil in the car and vice versa. She was fiercely focused on learning and less enamored by achievement. I am a direct beneficiary of this thinking. That is why in our house we have one Special Educator, One Engineer, One Food Culinary Specialist and One Economist! She got herself an M.Ed. in Special Education when she was 80! Recently, on a zoom call with all her grandkids, when my daughter asked her for advice my mom told her that as she embarks on her learning journey, she should pay attention to what interests her. Focus on what is important to her, decide how much time she needs to spend on that and do it. On learning that my daughter was interested in training to be an actor, she told my daughter that when she gets to acting on stage and screen to pick topics and projects that interest her rather than what is “popular.” Perfect advice for an 18-year-old 😊!
Everything I am today is because of my parents. They gave us, all four of us, every ounce of what they had and more. I am forever indebted for this. I will try my best to pay forward what they did for me and carry Amma’s examples, lessons and spirit with me.
Even though I could not walk with you at the end, Amma, I know you walk with me every moment.
I will miss you!
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